One liner thread

Happy songs, rainbows, and dancing panda bears everywhere. "What the He-" he began to say when he was run over by a large sticky ball being rolled by a small green man.

Suddenly, a 17 year old boy in French Polynesia awakes to realize he had been taking LSD while playing Katamari Damacy. Not a good combination. "Je ne vais pas prendre LSD jamais" the boy said. Suddenly....

he was filled with this overwhelming desire to go to the laundromat... why he doesn't know. But unable to fight this incessant NEED to get to that laundromat, he 'borrows' his fathers Porsche and speeds of to the inter-city laundromat... upon his 105 mph cruise, he looks out to the side and sees this large dark form keeping up with him. It had this spikey appearance covering its 'back,' if it could be said to have a back, going 105mph isn't the best time to pick out what is what really. As he approached the city, the hulking-spikey-thing-with-a-back....

...Collided with the rear of his father's Porsche, flinging the car over 45 feet into the air. The Polynesian opened the door and dove out before the car hit the pavement with astounding force, turning the once-beautiful vehicle into a flaming pile of scorched shrapnel.
He looked to see what had hit the car, and was shocked to find bits of spiked blue tortoise shell. An assassination! But by WHOM!? he whirled around to see a masked man in a tiny red Go-kart stare at him. Before the boy could make a move, the masked stranger took a left turn and zoomed off out of sight. Bruised, burned, and battered, the boy plodded on toward the Laundromat, where he opened the door to find-

....a swirling vortex. No clue what the hell was going on, he stupidly walked into the vortex, only to get transported to Lufaise Meadows-- not that he knew what this was of course-- and... he... he got pixilated... 'WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING?!!!!' he thought, as this GIGANTIC AWESOME looking thing with the word 'Bugard' tramples down towards him... 'Uh oh he said' and ran for his life to the west...

when he realized, "un moment, je ne parle pas anglais!" (one moment, I don't speak english). He turned towards the Bugard and began to yell "Arret!" but it came out "Stop!" For some reason, every other thing he said was in English. He had no idea what was going on. He was, as the kids say it, "tripping balls". "C'est bizzare......" he said, but before he could do anything, he realized he'd been standing there thinking for too long and the Bugard ran him over.

With a start, Fuzzy awoke in his bed. Looking around with stupified horror, he found himself in his bed, 12 years ago when he was still a sophmore in High School. He heard his mother yell from the hallway, "Fuzzums, are you packed? You'll be late for school!" Feeling a tad confused, he picked up his bag and rode the bus to school, where he met his old friend, Basch. Basch and Fuzzy were friends for many years, right up until they enlisted for the British Air Force in 1942, where Basch was shot down by three German fighters in World War II. " 'Sup, Fuzzman!" said Basch. Still dwelling on his previous memory, he said unitentually, "Don't enlist for the Air Force!" With a puzzled look on his face, Basch was about to make a remark, when everything around him stopped, and Fuzzy heard a strange voice in his head that said, "You can't do that, Fuzzy! You've created a TIME PARADOX!" Fuzzy felt a shock of electricity through him, and everything faded to black.

There was everything and nothing. All there was was Fuzzy. Oh, and there were some peanuts. Don't ask me how peanuts somehow ended up in Fuzzy existential crisis, because I frankly have no idea why they were there. Then Douglas Adams appeared out of nowhere. "Hello Fuzzy!" he said. He picked up some of the peanuts and ate them, and then spat them out. "These peanuts taste like an existential crisis!"

"Ugh, you and your nuts, Douglas, i swear..." came a sudden voice. It belonged to Abraham Lincoln. "Stop it, you're scaring our guest. Hello, young Fuzzed-One. I am Abraham, and you are in the Exsistential Timespace." "How did i get here?" asked Fuzzy. "Anyone and everyone who tries to change the world from its rightful order ends up here," replied Lincoln." John Kennedy, Martin Luther, everyone who has tried to make a difference, have all experienced the "Time Paradox" and ended up here, in a nutshell."
"So why is Douglas Adams, of all people, here?" said Fuzzy. "Honestly, we have no idea. We just kinda humor him and leave him be. If he annoys us, we'll just throw him another peanut." said Lincoln, with a hint of annoyance in his voice. "My time paradox happened when i said that being gay was acceptible, and i was shot in the skull. Kennedy's was when he almost announced his divorce of Jackie and his marriage proposal to Marilyn Monroe, and he was shot. You'd better be glad YOURS was just a book to the back of the head."
"Regardless, the point of the matter is, never try to make the world a better place, because you'll end up getting assassinated by some douchebag with three words in his name. Now beat it. You don't belong here." With a snap of his fingers, a golden chocobo appeared from nowhere and scooped up Fuzzy, and with a mighty "Kweh!", they sped off into the neverending blackness. Fuzzy felt a sharp pain, and was once again sent to the oblivion that was nothing.

(Douglas Adams wrote the Hitchhihker's Guide to the Galaxy books by the way)


He sat up in bed and his bed disappeared. He fell to the floor, and then the floor disappeared. And then he was in a tree for some reason. And then he sat up in bed.

He began to wonder how long this endless cycle would continue, when his bed began to shimmer, and turned to a crystal blue lake. He fell in, and discovered three dolphins swimming around him. They were elegant and strangely large. Fuzzy reached out to pet one. The nearest one gave a whine and a click, and it said in a clear voice: "So long, and thanks for all the fish." Fuzzy then fell through the water, and fell into his bed a sopping mess.

Fuzzy stood up and looked about and let a frown set upon his countenance. "My household cleaners will never get these stains out..."
Suddenly his door exploded and wooden splinters shot everywhere. A strange man stepped forward and said "But not for CILLIT BANG!" Badly wounded and bewildered, Fuzzy said-